What a difference a day makes...Chemo Treatment #3

Chemo treatment #3 was Tuesday 9/27, and I go back today to get the "ball" taken out.  Tuesday night was positively dreadful, with lots of vomiting and sleeplessness, not to mention a bastard of a headache.  That was by far the worst experience so far.  Perhaps it was enhanced by the flu shot they gave me. Whatever the reason, it was awful and made for a long day yesterday for Elaine (again).  Thankfully I slept well last night with no issues (other than the general discomfort of sleeping with a ball of chemo attached with a needle to my porto-cath).  I woke up this morning feeling fairly decent, had some tea and ate some breakfast before 8 am.  I feel like a completely different person so far this morning, in a good way.

The nerve damage/cold sensitivity gets a little worse each treatment.  Metal doorknobs, ceramic cups, glasses, etc. at room temperature (air conditioned) cause pins and needles instantly in my finger tips.  Tile and wood floors do the same to my feet.  This is still only an inconvenience though; it could be much, much worse.  I still have my hair and haven't developed any mouth sores yet, so in that regard I am lucky.

Had a great visit from my mom last week/weekend.  We didn't do all that much but it was wonderful just to spend time together.  The extra hands for Elaine didn't hurt either.  I'm looking forward to a repeat visit asap, as well as a visit from my big brother in the not too distant future. 

And now, for a little humor:

These photos were taken at the beginning of chemo on Tuesday.  The shirt and button cracked up the nursing staff.  They paraded other patients into my room to ogle my twisted sense of humor (Elaine designed the shirt and button, and the whole concept was thought up by my best bud Derek). 

More weight gain!

I was very happy to weigh myself yesterday and discover that I now weigh 186!!!  This means I've GAINED approximately 8 lbs. since starting chemo last month.  My appetite is good and I work out whenever my body will let me. 

I'm really happy to have my mom here for the weekend.  We've been watching movies and playing Scrabble and generally having a great time despite the nasty, rainy whether. 

This coming Tuesday is chemo treatment #3, which means next week will be awful (nausea, etc.).  I'm already beginning to dread it.  I actually dread the side effects more than the treatment itself. 

Feeling better...random tidbits

Today has been fantastic.  I feel good and I don't go back to chemo until Tuesday.  So hopefully I will have a whole week to eat, exercise, and recharge for the next round.  Optimism is starting to build, and this can only help. 

I can't wait to see my Mom tomorrow through the weekend.  We'll play a ton of Scrabble, watch movies, and work in the yard together (weather permitting). 

I've held steady at 182 lbs. since last Wednesday, despite not having much appetite.  My appetite is back so hopefully I can tack on a few before next Tuesday (chemo round 3).  Speaking of which, it's dinner time here.  Sicilian pizza here I come.

This isn't going to be easy

It seems that it's taking me longer to recover from chemo round 2.  The fatigue is finally starting to wane today, but the nausea is always lurking beneath the surface and I have to force myself to eat at times (like this morning's breakfast).  My weight is back down to 182 but I'm hoping to add to that this week as I get closer to round 3 next Tuesday.  I fear that it will get progressively more difficult to bounce back after each treatment.

Mentally I feel fairly strong but at times I am overcome with overwhelming sadness over the whole situation.  Thankfully Elaine helps me talk it out when these feelings come over me.  This makes it far easier to cope. 

This weekend I did manage to help Elaine go to the dump and flip our memory foam mattress (FYI a king size memory foam mattress is a heavy, bulky bastard with no handles).  I did some modest household chores too, so I guess I wasn't completely useless.  I feel that way sometimes--useless.  Again Elaine is always there to pick me up when I'm feeling down.

Cold weather this morning

It was 45 degrees this morning here in the woods when I walked Clyde.  This is noteworthy for several reasons.  First, it means we're getting closer to Fall, my favorite season.  Second, it means one of the side effects of my chemo is brought into full bloom.  One of the drugs in my regimen is called oxypalatin.  One of its most bizarre side effects is extreme sensitivity to cold.  I have to drink room temperature or hot liquids.  I can't go in the fridge or freezer, etc.  This lasts about four days.  What happens is a sharp tingling sensation like pins and needles throughout your fingers and, as was the case outdoors this morning, my feet.  It's more an annoyance than anything else at the moment.  Thankfully it didn't affect my nose, mouth or ears.

Right now my biggest issue is fatigue.  I simply have no energy whatsoever in the first few days after chemo (which itself lasts 3 days because I get the slow-dripping 46-hour ball of flourouricil (5FU) after the other drugs).  I should start to get more energy as the weekend progresses, and hopefully will be feeling good again next week when my mom comes to visit.

Right now all that I can do is focus on sleep, fluids, and nutrition.  I'm hoping I will have the energy this afternoon to do some housework and take a little off Elaine's shoulders.

I realize that a lot of my posts are not particularly interesting but it's good for me to keep a running diary of this kind of stuff. 

Chemo Round 2 - Post script

As my last post said, I had chemo on Tuesday.  Today I get the ball full of the last drug in my cocktail (5FU) detached from my port.  I'm looking forward to getting the needle out of my chest (again), although this time around the needle/port didn't cause me any discomfort.  I think it bothered me more during and after Round 1 because the port was less than a week removed from being surgically implanted in my chest (near my left collar bone).

Yesterday morning was dreadful.  I woke up at 3 am vomiting and with a splitting headache.  After some meds and Elaine's calming influence I was able to get back to sleep but I felt completely awful until close to noon yesterday.  Since then, however, I've been on an upswing and woke up this morning feeling much, much better. 

I find that the deeper I get into the chemotherapy the better my attitude has become.  I guess this comes from the feeling that something is being done to kill all the damn cancer cells in my pancreas and scattered about my peritoneum (lining of the abdomen).  My oncologist has already helped someone my wife knows kick pancreatic cancer (albeit not metastatic like mine) and this was a real boost to my confidence.

So the bottom line is that I think I'm coping fairly well.  I'm looking forward to seeing my mom next week.  I also hope to have my brother visit sometime this fall to work on some home projects together and have some quality time. 

Treatment No. 2 Tomorrow

Tomorrow I go back for my second chemo treatment, and I'm beginning to feel anxious about it.  I've heard the side effects get worse as you progress; I'm hoping that won't happen with me.  I'm also nervous about the blood test and my "counts" that dictate whether they can treat me at all tomorrow.  I desperately want to avoid missing a single treatment, but that may be a pipe dream.  Only time will tell.  I've been loading up on nutritional foods and supplements with an eye toward keeping those little platelets and other cells in abundance (except the cancer cells).

It was a nice weekend and I was able to do some yardwork on Saturday.  I did the trimming while Elaine rode the mower.  It was quality time.  Today I feel good but am very aware that that will change tomorrow and in the few days that follow.

BEEFCAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was absolutely thrilled to hop on the scale this morning and discover that I have gained another 3 lbs.  That's 4 this week and has put me back over 180 for the first time in months.  The more I gain, the more I can afford to lose when the chemo won't let me eat, not to mention the nutrition factor.  I'm feeling upbeat and ready for a beautiful Saturday of yard work and PSU vs. Alabama @3:30, then Cliff Lee takes the mound tonight for the Phils.  I have a feeling this is going to be a great day.

P.S. - The beefcake reference is from South Park, so if you don't get it don't ask :-)

Weight Gain! A Short Post

Good news! I actually have managed to gain a pound in the past week!  My appetite and ability to cope with the side effects is very encouraging.  I still get nausea and all-over body pain, and tire very easily, but my meds help (except for the fatigue).  I'm trying hard to be optimistic, while giving myself the space to be blue when the mood hits.  Overall I'd say I'm handling this fairly well, and am trying very hard to complain as little as possible.  Speaking of complaining, one thing: I hate that I can't drive while I'm on my meds.  I'm basically legally under the influence in terms of sleepiness, etc. which seems to be a side effect of everything I take.  On the plus side, our gasoline budget has been cut in half, as well as the wear and tear on the vehicles.

Anyway, I think I'm doing very well as I near the end of the first two week cycle.  Chemo this coming Tuesday...maybe it'll be harder this time, but then again, maybe it won't!

Hanging in there

I was so happy to get the chemo ball and catheter out yesterday so I could get some sleep, and sleep I did.  I took a two-hour nap from 5 - 7 then slept from 9 -7.  I'm still fatigued as hell but that's 12 hours of much needed sleep.  I am eating, which is a good thing.

One thing I really didn't like was a side effect I experienced yesterday when I got home from the VCU.  All of a sudden every single muscle and bone in my body began to ache like I'd just been in a train wreck.  I couldn't get comfortable and frankly would've gone insane (seriously, it hurt that bad) if it wasn't for the pain meds.  Dilaudid is a wonderful substance.  Once that kicked in I was out cold for two hours, then went to bed.  Thankfully that aching hasn't returned today (yet) but I'm ready for it now. 

I got a little exercise this morning but am now completely spent.  I'm hoping that will improve gradually each day I am farther removed from the chemo so I don't lose my Adonis-like physique (HA) and whither away to looking like Mr. Burns in The Simpson's.

Okay, I'm going to get my game face on for the PSU opener today at noon (Indiana State...snore).  I hope everyone has a safe, and fun Labor Day weekend.

The opposite of yesterday

I woke up this morning at 3:15 with nausea like I've never experienced.  I took my meds and passed out in the living room recliner where I continue to sit.  I feel extreme fatigue.  Even my individual toes are exhausted.  Oh well.

I go back to VCU to get my 5FU (shorthand for the drug that's in it) ball removed, so I won't be tethered to that for a couple of weeks.  Did I mention how difficult it is to sleep with a needle in your chest/collarbone area? If not, my bad...it's very difficult.  When this sucker comes out at 1 today, I'm going straight home to sleep.

Hopefully I will feel better gradually as the first round of drugs wears off.  Word is it gets worse each round, but I'm hoping (me, hoping?) to be the exception to the rule. This is a very new regimen for pancreatic cancer, and seems clear that everyone reacts differently.

Short post today.  Heat, serve, and enjoy.

The Day After Chemo Day 1

The past couple of days have been quite challenging.  As many of you know from Facebook and previous posts, I was supposed to start on Tuesday.  Well that didn't happen.  After making me wait 2+ hours and telling me my treatment was about to start, they told me they made an administrative error and told me they couldn't treat me that day.  Try to imagine the emotional kick in the gut that was for me.  So they rescheduled me for yesterday (8/31).

The chemo session yesterday went from 9:00 until about 3:30, but mostly was hassle-free.  Better yet, it was completely barf-free.  I had enough nausea for about 20 people, but no cookies were tossed.  Last night I was able to eat saltines and plain, dry whole wheat Eggo waffles with relative ease.  Then I slept for about 9 hours.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in more than a week.  Go figure.  Now, there's still time for the many potential side effects to rear their hydra-like selves, but I am optimistic for some reason that it won't get much worse.  Now get this: my optimism worries me.  What can I say?  I'm psychotic.

I have a slow dripping ball of chemo attached to my porto-cath that I have to wear until tomorrow at 1.  Then I go back for round 2 on Tuesday, 9/13, and then every other Tuesday thereafter for 3 months.  I think I can handle it.  If you are interested, here's a summary from the New England Journal of Medicine that discusses my chemo treatment, known as Folfirinox: NEJM - FOLFIRINOX

The nurses at the VCU Massey Cancer Center-Stony Point are about the nicest people I've ever met, and they do their jobs spectacularly.  I am thankful for their outstanding care.

I've also been getting supportive e-mails and FB messages from friends, and from former colleagues through Linked In.  It's easy to forget how many friends you make during your life; I have been reminded and am, again, thankful.

Okay, that's enough mush.  I feel good for now and that's really all I can ask for.  As Janis sang so soulfully: "Feeling good was good enough for me, mm mmm, good enough for me and my chemotherapy" -- or something like that ;-)  Kris Kristoferson wrote that song by the way, if you didn't know that.

Babbling now...until next time.  Comment away.