Waiting for the great unknown

As I mentioned in my last post, I had my MRI and CT scan on Monday, and am am currently awaiting the results. I will get them, along with a complete explanation, tomorrow when I meet Dr. Grossman for the first time. I'm looking forward to a fresh perspective and am hoping like hell for good news. It's supposed to be a rainy, dreary day, so hopefully that's not an omen or anything like one. (I don't really believe in that stuff.) Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst. That's my way. I'm still getting a second opinion at Johns Hopkins next week, and am looking forward to that as well. Hopefully I will be then cleared to go on vacation for a week. Elaine and I need some Florida. What happens after that is anyone's guess. One thing that has occupied a good deal of my thinking lately is the emotional/mental impact this whole experience is having on me. There are times when I'm keenly aware that my brain isn't as sharp as it was even 6 months ago. The impact of chemotherapy on my memory and thought processes has been significant. It frustrates me often. I also get extremely anxious and sometimes just plain sad about what the future likely holds for me. It isn't constant or a morbid obsession, but it happens and I have to cope with it; so far so good. I find room for optimism at times too. I'm glad I have my family and friends to continually prop me up when I'm down, and to laugh with me when I'm not. I've been sick for 10 months now, and I've needed every boost I've gotten from my peeps. For this I am truly thankful. Mike