Getting worse

It's been several weeks since I last posted, and it has been an eventful few weeks. After returning from Johns Hopkins in February, I was scheduled to have my first chemotherapy treatment of Round 3 on Monday, March 5. When I woke up that morning however, I was sick as hell, vomiting and unable to take anything by mouth. It had been building order the preceding weekend and came to a head on the morning of March 5. I felt so badly that I had Elaine call to reschedule my chemo treatment. The folks at the clinic wanted me to come in for an abdominal exam, but I simply couldn't bring myself to to leave the house. So I was sick -- with varying degrees of severit -- the whole following week, from the 5th until the 12th, when I went for my rescheduled chemotherapy treatment. I was vomiting before I even left the house, but knew I couldn't skip it again or forego having an examination. So I went. After chemo on the 12th I felt relatively decent, and went to bed that evening hopeful that I had turned a corner. I woke up in the middle of the night to something far worse though. I had debilitating abdominal pain to go along with raging nausea. I could not take any medications or even swallow water without vomiting. On Wednesday, March 14 I was scheduled to have my portable chemo ball detached in the afternoon. Instead of waiting, we called the clinic and reported my condition. I said I thought I needed to be hospitalized, and that's precisely what happened. I was in the hopspital from Wed. 3/14 through Sat. 3/17. During that time I was on IV pain meds, with a pain pump, and IV anti-nausea meds and gradually begin to feel better. I also got a celiac plexus nerve block, which deadens the neves from my pancreas and which seems to be helping with pain and nausea. I was given the choice to go home yesterday, and chose to go. What a mistake! I wasn't ready and I think I knew it in the back of my mind. Still, I chose to leave. I slept great last night but woke up feeling worse than before I checked into the hospital last week. So here I am, back in the hospital for the same palliative treatment in the hopes that I can get my mojo back and function at home with oral medications and the ability to consume fluid and food without using my veins. I am very close to the end of my rope, but will continue to fight as long and as hard as I am able. The pain and nausea are completely unbearable much of the time, but I am doing my best to beat them. Thankfully I have a terrific family and dear friends who prop me up when they can. More importantly, I have an amazing woman who cares for me and loves me like no other. Elaine is the ONLY reason I'm still fighting.