2011 - A Good Year?

What a year! I've spent a fair amount time reflecting upon 2011, and have concluded that it was actually a good year.

I suffered a lot of physical and emotional pain starting in early April and it continues today; I've just learned how to cope with it and get on with life as best I can. I was in and out of the hospital on a bi-weekly basis it seems (once for 25 days) from April through August. On August 1 I went under anesthesia thinking I was getting the Whipple procedure to fix my bile and pancreatic duct problem, and woke up to the news that I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer. That was a brutal day for Elaine and I. I will never forget it. Since then, I've been receiving chemotherapy and am ready to take it as long as my body can stand it.

Anyway, my point is that 2011 was a good year. Why? Because on April 7 I became severely jaundiced and the medical search for answers led the docs to the cancer eventually (slower than I would have liked, but that is the nature of pancreatic cancer...it hides). Had I not developed the bile duct strictures that caused me to turn yellow, I could still be walking around with untreated, metastasized cancer, or dead. So it was a blessing that my body sounded the alarm when it did. Yes, the whole process (surgeries, tests, hospitalization, over-medication by hospital psychiatrists) was gut-wrenching, but I learned a lot about myself, my marriage, and my family and friends along the way. I've been able to re-connect with people from my past and discovered how lucky I am to have so many great friends who care about me. I'm closer to my family than ever before, and I've discovered the importance of living in the moment and letting go...two things I have struggled with my whole life. My experience this past year has helped me finally win that struggle.

I'm looking forward to a quiet New Year's Eve at home with my baby in front of the fire, and writing another one of these on December 31, 2012...Happy New Year!